Rat and Weed and Jerusalem Nights

Last night, coming home pretty baked from a friends house... (every so often I partake in some light intoxication... whatever, you know... I am not dead... )
So anyways, we watched about 5 episodes of "Family Guy", I was thinking to myself, what a balsy move it is to create a show like that, when the yellow family from Springfield have been around for 8 seasons... (before they began...) anywho... so, I went home, on my way home, I am shocked to see the biggest fucking RAT I have ever imagined of seeing... like a real original ROAUS... (rodent of an unusual size) yes, it was about that size, when I see it crossing the junction... initially I didn't recognize it... I was thinking to myself, what is that BIG leopard doing wandering the street, but then I kind of noticed that it had a kind of attitude... it seemed very intelligent... don't know if that makes any sense at all... anyways, there was a car by me, and there were two girls inside, that seemed to be going through the exact same thought process that I was... when I finally realized it was a fucking ROAUS I started screaming like the way I screamed on the day I was born... and as I look in fascination at the ROAUS it looks at me... and then runs away, its tail plumping on the sidewalk... then I look at the car beside me, and the two girls are also screaming... much like I was... it was highly amusing and disgusting, all together... ewwwwwwwwww!!!
Anywho... so I go to sleep, and I have been sleeping like shit the past few nights... really awful, and in general, I am a bit what the fuck... a lot I think has to do with me not sleeping in my own bed... a thing I like to do... anyways.
So I have this dream about my teen years in Jerusalem. Some fucking ARS, dam motherfucker, is terrorizing me, waking behind me and yelling at me to walk up and down the Ben Yehuda st... Imagine it looking like a Nazi soldier walking behind a Jew in Warsaw 1939... that's what it looked like, how it felt... fucking shit... which relates to the fact that I feel that I don't remember much of my teen years, I guess I was num, or repressing the experiences... how a whole fucking life can go by, and you let it slip away for fear of getting hurt again... it is like for me there was this one BIG hurt in the past... and I don't even think it was the rejection from the army, I am thinking it came a lot before and ever since then... nothing... I think my heart was broken in the 5th grade or something and ever since that I haven't been the same... it is funny, because I have more memories of what life was like in Australia where I grew up then I do from Jerusalem, where I lived from 1987 to the beginning of 2001... I was in the big city a few days ago, and it is so funny, because I kind of don't remember how to get from point A to B in the city... and seeing as I lived there most of my life, and learned to drive there and drove there a long time... not remembering is a mental and emotional decision on my part I am guessing...
I am actually a bit afraid to think what it is exactly that I am repressing... what is it exactly that I don't want to be reminded of... this is shite!!! What I do know is that the fucking arsim of Jerusalem used to torture me... that is why they come back to haunt me in my sleep... but why did they come back to haunt me now?
WORD!!!